Note to self

Sometimes I look at other people’s Instagram page and Facebook and I really feel like “shit I’m not doing anything with my life…” 
Or I look at other models with bodies 100 times better than mine and I just feel like a blob… 

Or when I have 2 quiet weeks from modelling and I see my friends booking amazing jobs and I feel like “is it over for me? Am I old now?”

Or I see couples with what looks like amazing relationships and wonder if it will ever happen for me… 

Or I get a few slimy messages from guys and I think “am I a creep magnet?”

And I constantly think about whether I’m a good mom and how can I be better? And worry about whether I am doing good for my daughter…

I’ve spent today worrying and obsessing over everything that could be better and second guessing myself and feeling a little insecure about myself… And it’s 1am and I can’t sleep and have to be up at 5am for a shoot…

And it just dawned on me that the reason why I can’t fall asleep is because I can’t end a day on this note… Just like I can’t sleep if there’s an argument in the air… I can’t sleep if I’m arguing with myself, especially if it’s all based around an insecurity or let’s face it… A series of insecurities…. When in fact I had a great day… I just needed some perspective…

So I decided to look at my own Instagram… I laughed watching wonderful videos and pics of the amazing trips I have been on and memories I have shared with my daughter…. (@rritfeld)

I saw some amazing shoots throughout my career that I somehow forgot about during my self pity… 

I saw some amazing people I have met in my life… 

I saw the lovely comments people have left… 
But above all…. I saw me…. I saw that I have come a long way and that I absolutely need to stop worrying….. I saw that my daughter is doing great and that I am doing all I can do… My best….  

I felt proud of myself.

NOTE TO SELF:

forget what everyone else is doing… You are doing just fine and you have your own story don’t worry about anyone else’s. 

Everything has its time… Allow yours to be and appreciate it when it happens… You can’t change the past and the future comes one step at a time. Stop anticipating…. Be in the moment…. 

Most important note to self: 

There is value in being kind! 

When you smile at people wherever you go, give an abundance of compliments to everyone you meet especially those who would least expect it, are enthusiastic when you answer the phone, genuinely wish everyone well when you speak to them… 

Pray for all your loved ones, give way to pedestrians, thank people…
Final note to self: 

This is you… You won’t win an award for it, you won’t pay the bills with it… But it is valuable… More valuable than you will ever know because often the little things go unnoticed to people… But the little things are what has shaped my daughters personality… The kindness of her touch, the sweetness of her words, the fun in her expression… 

All priceless