….Only opportunities to learn or grow or excel to the next level…
I’m really proud of myself as a woman at the moment.
Since I decided I was ready to have a baby, which is about a year before she was born I made every effort I could to, not only, get ready for it in practical terms but to improve myself, my outlook, my surroundings etc. I wanted to be a mom she would be proud of…
Everything I didn’t like about myself I consciously worked on to improve…
I say improve and not ‘change’ because I don’t think anything human just changes from one day to the next… It’s something that’s constantly evolving and the more I learn the more I want to improve…..
For example I used to suffer from depression and I haven’t been depressed since my experiences in Australia (please refer to previous blog “the story of John”) and I know I will never be depressed again…. I may not always have great days but depressed to that extent is a concept of the past… It was quite a journey to get to this state of mind, but it is still a decision I make every day…. It requires maintenance, inner maintenance, emotional maintenance every day!
Every day I have to practise “perspective” in the sense of: yes I strive for X, Y and Z but where I am now, in every sense, needs a moment of appreciation….
Every day I practise “self worth”: I’m not perfect and I can’t please everyone but I love this and this and this about me….
Every day I have to practise “courage” and appreciation for it:
I really want to do blablabla and “this” scares me about it but…. Here I go…. And I hold my breath and do it anyway…
All these things build self esteem which I haven’t always had so much of…. But I am aware of it’s importance.
I see major changes in me in my every day approach to life… Years ago, be it consciously or subconsciously I think I would always “rely” on my partner: to help me make decisions (or decide for me), to park the car, to fix or arrange for things to be fixed around the house etc…
And nowadays I feel so empowered to not even blink and sort everything out myself….
It may seem normal and not a big deal to most people but I only learnt to drive 4 years ago so parking a big car in Central London is scary to me….
Adapt to new single status: drive small cars!
Anything that feels like a “man’s job” around the house…
Adapt to new status: I’m not gonna sit here in the dark with nothing working! Fix it!!
Going to amazing restaurants and on lavish holidays… I’ll be damned if I have to wait for a guy!
Adapt: GO! Bring Rosie! Rent a car!! Drive on the other side of the road!! Take a deep breath in and then suck up the fear!
A big one for me, I spend so much time trying to control every aspect of my life. I micro manage everything and I’m constantly researching (specifically property investments, that’s my crack of the moment). I think knowledge is power and there are good elements in this… But I need to prioritise sleep too. Health is wealth!
I was told last night by someone whose opinion I value greatly: INVEST IN FAITH. Honestly I’m thinking of getting a Sharpie pen and writing that on my wall (but my handwriting sucks so I will micromanage that and get someone else to write it…. Small steps right? 😊)
I think I have a lot of faith but it’s subtly lined with a ‘concern’ (I don’t want to admit that there’s a hint of fear, so I’m going for ‘concern’) for the possibility of getting things wrong…. I don’t want to elaborate too much on this because don’t want fuel this ‘concern’ instead I want to pump in so many positive thoughts in the hope it will diminish….
And SMILE while doing all of the above…. Nobody wants a grumpy kid or a grumpy mom or a grumpy friend.
I don’t have all the answers but I’m enjoying sharing my epiphanies with you all through my blog… Especially when some of you share your stories back…
Happy Sunday x
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Once upon a sexy time 